I looked in the mirror yesterday and realized I couldn't remember the last time I had done that. I barely recognized my own reflection.
Who was this tired, old woman with the frown and out of control eyebrows? Had she heard of a hairbrush? Didn't she realize there was some weird orange stain on her baggy t-shirt? Does she realize she looks like a before photo?
I miss the old me. The me before I had two kids and stayed home all day. The me that had highlights and waxed eyebrows. Nice clothes and makeup. An occasional smile and no frown lines. Who wore jewelry with great regularity, and whose main fashion accessory was not a bandanna tied around messy hair. The me that got to wash her hair more than twice a week and didn't have to plan ahead to shave more than the lower half of her legs. Whose day was more than dishes, laundry, and dirty diapers. Whose personality was something other than tired...
Yeah, I have kids. I chose to have them and I don't regret that. But why does that mean that I have to sacrifice absolutely everything about the way my life was before them? My entire identity? Why can't I be Mommy and still be me? Why can't I feel pretty and worthwhile and still be able to give my kids what they need? Why do the two seem to be mutually exclusive?
If I seem like I'm whining, it's because I am. But you know what? I listen to enough damn whining that I think I'm entitled to do it on occasion. If this seems selfish... well, maybe if I was just a little selfish once in a while, I wouldn't be so freaking depressed right now. Maybe.
4 comments:
Feel free to whine all you want! It's been awhile since I've been by--I need to catch up!
I hate being whiny, but sometimes it helps.
Glad to see you- I've missed ya!
But think of it as an investment. Here you are being a good parent, so that later on, you won't have to whine about how your kids are bouncing between re-hab and prison.
Speaking of, what are you doing the week before Thanksgiving? I know someone who might be available to listen to you whine if you need...
You may have a point. They may be in therapy though due to the stress of having weird parents...
I suppose I can blame that on their fathers... =)
The week before Thanksgiving? Probably panicking about Christmas. Other than that, not much of anything.
While I try not to burden any one person with my whining (I like to hit everyone at once- hence the blog), I am always open to visitors and friends.
Preferably in combination, as visiting with enemies can be terribly tedious.
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